LvZ - KevaD - The Zombie with the Flowers in her Hair

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The Zombie with Flowers in Her Hair isn't what the casual reader expects. Yes, there are lesbians and zombies, but the heart of the story is a purpose lost, and the young dead woman who will be called upon to make a difference in a world she never knew existed. That said, there's some really funny stuff in this book, if I do say so myself. 
 

Thanks for looking –

David/KevaD 

Blurb:

The hardest part of being alone is realizing you are.

1969 was a busy year for the young woman nicknamed Isis. She graduated high school, engaged in a lesbian relationship, died, and rose from the dead as a pot-smoking, flesh-eating zombie in need of a good orgasm. Yet, in death she ended up as alone as she had in life. But when a beautiful zombie with flowers in her hair forgets her sweet butt on a toilet seat, Isis's undead life will never be the same. Nor will it be one she could ever have envisioned, even on the wildest acid trip. Because for Isis, her true reason for life lies in her death.

Release day:  January 16, 2012 - Noble Romance

Andrea Speed - Story Behind the Josh of the Damned series

I love throwing the fantastic and the mundane together, so putting the mouth of hell and a convenience store side by side seemed like a natural thing to do. I love writing horror, and I love writing comedy, but I have to admit that the task of putting them together can be daunting and very tricky. Still, I love the Evil Dead movies, especially two and three, where they really embraced the humor of the films (the first was, as Joe Bob Briggs -or was it Stephen King? - said, “Spam in a cabin”, i.e. a slaughter-fest), and the end of three, where we see a brief snippet of Ash back at his assistant manager job at the S-Mart, could be looked at as inspiration for the overall Josh of the Damned series. After all, what would happen if Ash had to keep juggling his demon killing “job” with his mundane day job?

A key difference is Josh is no demon killer, nor is he an assistant manager. He’s much lower on the totem pole, and as much as I hate to use the term “slacker”, that’s exactly what Josh is. He works a terrible job that he knows is a terrible job, but it doesn’t require much from him, and since he has no real ambition, that suits him just fine. I’m not sure what my inspiration for Josh is, beyond  simply wondering what an employed drifter might be like. Someone who really doesn’t want responsibility, but needs a check. That’s Josh, who may own a cactus, but certainly not a pet. He’s probably lucky to feed himself most of the time. Like a rock in a river, he’s happy to let life just flow past and over him, except the circumstances at his little crap job force him to become more engaged with the world. A weird world full of zombies and lizard people, but anything less probably wouldn’t have shaken him from his natural torpor. Of course I’ve known people like that, and I have my only tendencies that way as well, but Josh doesn’t like confrontation so much, while I don’t mind at all. 

Even when you don’t want to, life changes, and it forces you to change as well. In a way, that’s what the Josh of the Damned series is all about. Josh doesn’t really want to change, but life is going to make him change, in the strangest (and hopefully funniest) way possible.

Here’s the blurb for Pretty Monsters:

Josh knew the night shift at the Quik-Mart would be full of freaks and geeks—and that was before the hell portal opened in the parking lot. Still, he likes to think he can roll with things. Sure, the zombies make a mess sometimes, but at least they never reach for anything more threatening than frozen burritos.

Besides, it’s not all lizard-monsters and the walking dead. There’s also the mysterious hottie with the sly red lips and a taste for sweets.

Josh has had the hots for Hot Guy since the moment he laid eyes on him, and it seems Hot Guy might be sweet on Josh too. Now if only Josh could figure out whether that’s a good thing, a bad thing, or something in between. After all, with a hell vortex just a stone’s throw away, Josh has learned to take nothing at face value—even if it’s a very, very pretty face.

This title is #1 of the Josh of the Damned series.

If you’d like to read an excerpt and purchase Pretty Monsters, click here.

The second in the series, Peek-A-Boo, is available for pre-sale at Riptide Publishing.

More About Andrea:

Andrea Speed was born looking for trouble in some hot month without an R in it. While succeeding in finding Trouble, she has also been found by its twin brother, Clean Up, and is now on the run, wanted for the murder of a mop and a really cute, innocent bucket that was only one day away from retirement. (I was framed, I tell you - framed!) In her spare time, she arms lemurs in preparation for the upcoming war against the Mole Men. Viva la revolution!

Where you can find Andrea:

Email address: aspeed2@gmail.com

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Peter Hansen Story Behind First Watch

Tentacular History: An Overview

In "First Watch," my interwar novella, Earth is populated with at least two types of sentient creatures: humans, and Lovecraftian horrors from the depths. Both kinds of creature are historical, in that they remember and relate past events, and both kinds of creature are political, in that they make alliances and wage wars to enforce them. This is all well and good, except for one crucial flaw in my master plan: Human history and politics--at least, as I know them--are completely devoid of tentacle monsters.

Of course, human folklore has always had a place for things that go bump in the night, and our fairy tales are full of the things that live in darkness. For most of human history, this is exactly what my eldritch horrors were--night terrors, beasts that preyed on the unwary and feasted in plague-ridden streets. They gorged on those who died at sea and were thrown overboard; they passed like shadows between the moon and the earth on winter nights, and their eyes shone beyond the glow of the hearth fire. Their relationship with humans was purely predatory, and not in the least political. They were the stronger beasts, the more powerful and brutal, and they consumed us without a pang of remorse.

Along the Pacific rim, humans had been making alliances with and waging war on these creatures for centuries, but in the Atlantic and Mediterranean, tentacled beasties were more slow to emerge. As I envision it, two developments pushed the Atlantic Lovecraftian horrors out of the sky and the sea. The first was human incursion on their spaces, as signified by the 1858 completion of the transatlantic telegraph cable and the development of commercial flight in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. The second, and perhaps the more pertinent, was the rise in deadly military campaigns during the nineteenth century; as scavengers, these creatures were drawn to our regiments of the dead and the dying. They began to understand as they never had before how delicate was the political balance between human factions ... and how tasty our casualties were, when the balance got tipped.

On the battlefields of nineteenth-century Prussia, Russia, Turkey, and Virginia, the soldiers and the camp-followers began to speak of creatures moving over the corpses, all mouths and rope-like limbs. They spoke of beasts like harpies spiraling over the thick smoke of battle, waiting for the smell of the dead to rise. Soldiers returned from the battlefield with marks like tattoos, but what of that? Soldiers returning homeward always had tattoos and scars that had never been there before. There were strange new men in business and in politics, pale-faced and smooth-cheeked, but what of that? One politician was as bad as another, and at least these were well-groomed.

The first photographs--and even a few early, uneven films--emerged during the Great War. No one could mistake what the images displayed, although naysayers claimed foul play and photographers searched for signs of tamper. The soldiers knew, though, beyond the faintest shadow of doubt.

They had seen the creatures moving in thick, gelatinous masses over the spent shells and the bodies of the wounded. They had heard their comrades screaming as they were eaten alive ... or worse, seen their comrades return to them with the rising sun, their newly-healed flesh marked with characters in an unknown language.

Here's a blurb from my book, First Watch, at Riptide Publishing:

What price would you pay to survive?

Do you want to live? In the darkness of a WWI battlefield, young Legionnaire Edouard Montreuil lies dying. As teeth nibble his flesh, a voice whispers, Do you want to live? Frightened and desperate, Edouard bargains his freedom for a second chance.

Aboard the Flèche, a grim submarine captained by the nightmare who granted Edouard new life, Edouard pays the price for his survival. Each night, he gives his body to his captain as the bells sound first watch. But surviving is not living, and as the days stretch into months beneath the waves, Edouard grows desperate for escape.

Can Edouard’s old comrade Farid Ruiz help him break this devil's bargain, or will Ruiz fall to the same fate, trapped beneath the waves at the mercy of a monster whose hunger knows no bounds? Edouard and Ruiz served together once before, and slept together too, but courage and passion failed to save them from the eldritch beasts who roamed the night. This time, the cost of failure is nothing so clean or simple as death, and the spoils of victory are not just life, but love.

To read an excerpt and to purchase First Watch, click here.

About Peter Hansen:

Peter Hansen is a teacher, writer, and former spelling bee champion who lives a stone's throw from the Erie Canal. He got his start in publishing with his college newspaper, where he was forced to write "I will not rake the muck" one hundred times on the chalkboard before they let him write editorials. With that gritty, real-world experience under his belt, he promptly turned to science fiction and fantasy. He spends his days teaching young writers about the pathetic fallacy, his evenings mainlining iced tea, and his nights building a time machine in his basement.

peter.hansen.writes@gmail.com

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NJ Nielsen Behind the Rules

I am one of those people that has been writing for as long as I have been able to read. It was a way of life that took me outside of myself and allowed me to become someone else for just a little while. As I grew up, my love of writing never wavered. If anything, it grew stronger.

Now to tell you about the real reason I am here:

The Lines of Marsden came about because I had to spend a hell of a lot of time in waiting rooms at various hospitals and clinics. (My daughter has a blood disorder – let’s just say her antibodies are killing her blood.) The doctors thought there was a chance she would die. So Emily asked me to write her a story. Thus,  Rules Are Meant to Be Broken  was born.

Emily asked for a story about vampires because at that stage she was very thin and very, very pale. This was going to be only my second attempt at writing a novel, as I had mostly stuck to poetry. The first novel I lost for thirty years and have only recently found it and I am determined to get that one finished. But this second novel was going to be written to entirety, because my daughter had asked for it.

It was during one of those many hospital visits in which Rules became an M/M story. It seemed that every time we sat in the waiting room at the cancer clinic (Emily does not have cancer), we would always see these two young men. It was obvious to everyone how much in love they were, it was both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Because we knew that one of them was going to die. My daughter turned to me and asked me to change my story. She still wanted the vampire element, but now she wanted the story to be M/M – she wanted those boys to live forever. Sadly, a few weeks later they weren’t there and when I asked after them I found out that one of the young men had passed away. I never did find out their names, but from that day on they became Doyle and Michael and Rules Are Meant to Be Broken took on the direction that it has now become and will forever be... Though to be honest a lot of stuff happens before Michael and Doyle get their HEA. Michael has many trying times to go through before he falls in love with Doyle in future books.

Originally the story was way too long, but at that stage I had no intentions of ever being published. I ended up breaking it down into three books so the series The Lines of Marsden evolved, and the story began. My family influenced many of the characters. If you read it, Gypsy is totally my daughter. Emily likes to think she helped write this book. I must admit that she did find me many inspirational pictures, music to help me write, and a ton of bad jokes she wanted put into the story, just because she thinks they are funny.

I have an estimated release date for spring 2012, and it will be available at MLRPress… http://www.mlrbooks.com

Blurb:

 

The Lines of Marsden were born into existence for a reason: to right the wrongs that had once taken place. Destiny fated that they must destroy the Eldren before evil wins.

Michael Marsden wants to die – for real this time. He wasn’t meant to lead the half-life that he does. He chooses to let it go and let death take what it had already claimed.

But Christian Risely isn’t about to let that happen.  He is drawn to Michael and is willing to do anything to ensure that he lives, even if that means keeping him alive against his will.

 Chapter One

 

Things of myth and legend, or a very bad horror flick.

You choose.

 

Michael’s gaze slowly drifted around the crowded and smoky nightclub, watching the unsuspecting people go about their lives, not knowing things like him existed, walked among them. Here these people were, laughing and enjoying the lives they all took for granted.

Michael was pissed off; they had something he’d lost forever, and it scared him knowing now he was no longer the same as them. Thanks to some fucked up twist of fate, he couldn’t go back to the life he had always known. He didn’t even know if he was even human anymore. What had he had done in his life that was so wrong causing him to end up with this destiny? He was a pacifist for crying out loud. His thing was to run away and let Gypsy deal with the hard stuff.

A cigarette dangled loosely from his pale fingertips as the music pounded through his body simulating the heartbeat he no longer felt. It was a fact which made him angrier still, because it showed just how fucked up his life had become. Why the hell had this happened to him? He had so much to live for. He had Gypsy! And he missed her so much. The thought made him smile sadly; he bet not many brothers would say nice stuff about their sisters. But Gypsy was special – she was his twin. Gypsy knew him better then he knew himself.

Michael swiped at his angry tears and pushed away from the table. He didn’t want to be around these people any longer, knowing they took for granted everything he wanted back. Michael walked outside and headed down the darkened street. He was finding it harder and harder not to give into his cravings. Even now they gnawed at his insides, demanding he take notice. This was another thing he didn’t want to have to think about, but think about it he would. He needed to work out if he was going to give in to what his body wanted, or fight it, and more than likely die.

 

MY BIO

NJ needs to write like she needs to breathe… It is an addiction that she never intends to find a cure for. When you don’t find NJ writing about the wonderful men in her stories you find her reading work by others… NJ lives in the SE of Qld, Australia with her family who all encourage her writing career even if she does occasionally call them by her character’s names… NJ thinks that anyone taking the time to read her stuff is totally awesome.

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Story Behind the Story, IMMORTAL by Bryl R. Tyne

Hello, Jadette! 

Thanks for allowing me to share a little about my story, IMMORTAL, part of the Timeless Desire Collection with Noble Romance.

A small group of Noble Romance authors got together and decided on a theme for a collection of novellas. The theme chosen for this tour was "Timeless Desire."

As with the last themed stories/blog tour at Noble, I was asked to edit them. When I saw the theme and heard some of the ideas batted around, I thought, "Wow," I want to write a story for this one too. I inquired in the group, and the other authors were like, "Hell yeah!"

So, I was thinking... timeless desire-- First thing that comes to my mind is unrequited love. The thought that followed was of a vampire who just cannot find love no matter how he tries. My next thoughts, which were sort of personal brainstorming, led me to at first think that was a pretty flat plot, next, I decided that it would have to be unrequited from both directions to make it "timeless", then I wondered who would be the "right" character opposite my vampire. That guy turned out to be a water spirit... Well, as with most of my creative streaks, my brain comes up with these grandiose ideas and then I'm forced to research my ass off to catch up. This time was no different.

"Water spirit?" WTF? So, I began my research.

Low and behold, I found water spirits, sprites, and gods, and a certain spirit called a bannick from whence my ancestors come (Slavic paganism). Bannick-Bath house spirit. Like the house and barn, bath houses (saunas, really) had their own particular domestic spirit residing there. Bath houses were a traditional berthing place, and in IE tradition spirits had to attend this event. It was customary in some places to offer every third or fourth firing of the sauna to the Bannik. The Bannick could also be propitiated with offerings of soap, fir branches, and water. If he became annoyed, he might throw hot water on his tormentors or even use his sharp claws to flay his victim alive. If he makes himself visible, the Bannik usually appears as a family member or friend. (circe-argent.com/slavic_paganism.htm) Interesting...

When all was said and done, I had a vampire who needs this bannick's power to maintain his youthful glow and a bannick who needs this vampire's bite to remain in human form. A kind of self-inflicted curse on this romance where if either loses the other, they both suffer, much like in Lady Hawke, where they were forever together but forever apart but with one of my famous twists, which you can find out about when you read the book. There you have my story behind IMMORTAL.

Blurb:

Found abandoned as a child and taken in by the Nevsky clan, the man Ivis now feels the call of the water, the sea, but Sefton and his family, one of the most influential vampire bloodlines in Russia, isn't about to let Ivis go. As Ivis's powers grow stronger—powers unknown to him—Sefton's instructed to detain Ivis at all costs to tilt in his clan's favor the balance of power in an endless struggle between the Bogdanov water gods and Nevsky vampires. Sefton's left with a choice: power or love. Which is the greater desire?

Link to excerpt: http://bryltyne.com/excerpt-immortal-by-bryl-r-tyne

Link to buy: https://www.nobleromance.com/Books?author=59

 

CONTEST: Leave a comment to win a Bryl R. Tyne Swag-pack! One lucky commenter will win a signed copy of Bryl's novella, COIN OPERATED BOY, so be sure to leave your contact emails!

Continue the tour by clicking the Noble Tour button

Bio and Links:

BRYL R. TYNE is a wrangler by nature and a writer by choice. Balancing as many pronouns as hats, somewhere between the evil day job, editing, and helping a benevolent Sugar Daddy raise the last of seven kids, Bryl writes. Homoerotic romance is a favorite, but many of Bryl’s stories cross genres. Comedy, Fantasy, Mystery, Sci-fi, even Westerns, Bryl writes them all.

Website: http://bryltyne.com

Blog: http://bryltyne.com/blog

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2877215.Bryl_R_Tyne

Story Behind the Story, DIVINITY by Bryl R. Tyne

Hello, Jadette! Thanks for allowing me to share a little about my story, DIVINITY with Riptide Publishing.

DIVINITY started as a fanciful "what if" a vampire was addicted to candy idea. Well, that just sounded lame to me, and I was about to give up on the muse when suddenly I wondered... "What if" the vampire was ONLY addicted because he'd been cursed. Woe to the bastard who dared do that to him, right?

Well, that one spark of creativity led to a succession of triggers, more sparks, and soon, lightning. "Lightning...?" I wondered. Then I heard my mother chastising me as a child for speaking whenever it thundered. "Do not utter a sound while God's speaking to the earth!" Oh, she had her ways, many of which I inherited by rite.

 Yes, I used that in the story, once it dawned on me that I could make the vampire's antagonist a gypsy, a card carrying wiccan, a witch from a past life who'd fallen hopelessly for this vampire BEFORE he was turned, and now, two lifetimes later, the witch is back, and he's located his lost love... I'm pretty sure you can guess that he's plotting on the vampire and there's a curse involved and lots of cat and mouse and dubious coercion/consent, and spells, and threats, and office sex, and stairwell encounters, and... and.... Yep. And my vampire's not happy, no, not happy at all, to suddenly be addicted to orange suckers!

Yeah. Orange suckers.

Where in all hells that aspect came from, I haven't a clue, but yeah. It worked in the story, and from your lovely comments on my cover over the past month, it appears to work for the cover too! I can't wait to share this one with you!

That's my story behind DIVINITY with Riptide Publishing.

Blurb:

Martin Hayes has found the perfect job for a 200-year-old vampire. As the late-shift security guard for Spire, he works and hunts by night and sleeps by day, hidden away in the unused cellar. Life is all so easy—nights bleeding away, weeks and months passing . . . until a new janitor disturbs the peace. Martin finds himself obsessed with memories (or are they?) of red hair, freckled skin, and men on their knees.

Dylan Mesmer isn’t just a hot, freckled, red-haired janitor. He’s altogether too composed around Martin and never surprised by Martin’s supernatural abilities. In fact, he seems to have a few of his own. And why does he keep feeding Martin orange lollipops?

A healthy vampire has no use for candy, yet Martin cannot resist the lure. He’s being baited and knows it, but for what end? And what about those visions that assail him whenever he thinks of Dylan? Their story is centuries old, but this time around, Dylan’s playing for nothing less than immortality. Eternal life—and eternal love—is within his reach, but can he convince Martin to change his ways and commit? If not, he’ll remain trapped in time beside his lover, always together but forever apart.

Link to buy: http://www.riptidepublishing.com/titles/divinity

Bio and Links:

BRYL R. TYNE is a wrangler by nature and a writer by choice. Balancing as many pronouns as hats, somewhere between the evil day job, editing, and helping a benevolent Sugar Daddy raise the last of seven kids, Bryl writes. Homoerotic romance is a favorite, but many of Bryl’s stories cross genres. Comedy, Fantasy, Mystery, Sci-fi, even Westerns, Bryl writes them all.

Website: http://bryltyne.com

Blog: http://bryltyne.com/blog

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2877215.Bryl_R_Tyne

Jade Archer - Behind the scene of Sandpipers' Secrets

I’m really very excited about seeing Sandpipers’ Secrets released into the world this week, so when Jadette contacted me, asking if I’d like to come along and blog about the story behind the story I jumped at the chance. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to explain why an author that writes predominantly science fiction and paranormal tales would suddenly stray into the world of contemporary fiction. And of course the big question, would I do it again?

Prior to sitting down to write Sandpipers’ Secrets I’ve penned stories about unfamiliar worlds and galaxies, aliens, mages, vampire, various species of shifters and everything in between that may or may not choose to go bump in the night. Anything but (*gasp*) the real world, unless it was as a convenient patch of dirt to pop said vampires, mages and shifters. I love putting my imagination to work and dreaming up worlds to put my characters in. I lie awake at night thinking about what characteristics I might be able to give said characters to make them unique and interesting. I adore being able to solve my problems with a quick alien abduction. In all seriousness, I never actually thought there would come a day when I couldn’t find a way to tell any story that came to mind within the seemingly limitless scope of fantasy and science fiction. Then I met Brody, Lark and Zak and their slightly twisted tale.

http://www.jadearcher.com/

Not only are these guys thoroughly normal and completely human, but their story grew from the very human propensity to judge without thought or consideration. To jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts. Their story is about assumptions, deception and the secrets we keep—both out of fear and sometimes with the very best of intentions. Put quite simply, without the framework of ‘the real world’, the complication Brody, Lark and Zak face in this story lost its strength. It just didn’t want to be told outside the real world. What a dilemma, at least it was for me. No alien space crafts, no magic, not even an astral portal or demigod to help me out.

So I shelved the idea. Terribly cowardly of me, and in the end not particularly practical, because Lark, Zak and Brody are very persistent men. They wanted their story told. Finally, encouraged by friends and needing to offload some insistent characters in my head, I sat down and started writing…the second chapter. Then the fifth. Then chapter seven came out. Slowly, the characters personalities, already pretty forceful, started to really take hold and become more and more demanding. The story evolved and so did the setting. At which point I had to get real.

Not only did I have to seriously work at getting the story together into a logical writing sequence with a cohesive plot, but I needed to hit the books. Research. It’s the backbone and key to telling a good tale. But, as I quickly discovered, requires a completely different approach and dedication in contemporary and historical fiction. I’ve found a whole new level of appreciation for the writers of contemporary and historical fiction since writing Sandpipers’ Secrets.

And speaking of appreciation, there are a lot of people to thank for getting this story to the point it is today. They say writing can be a lonely game, and at points that’s true, but so many people helped me on this project. Charles Edward, my friend, fellow author and amazing beta reader made so much difference to this story. There is just not enough words to say thank you. If a beta reader is worth their weight in gold, Charles is solid 24 carat goodness! There is also the Pie In The Sky Critique group to thank, for whipping my writing into shape each week. My brave editor, Andrea Grimm for all the catches and supportive suggestions and Lyn Taylor for the amazing cover I have today. And these are just the people I know were involved in helping me. There’s a myriad people behind the scenes at Total-E-Bound that worked hard to get this story out there. Publishing is such a collaborative effort, there is no way I would be able to release this story without all these people. All are definitely part of the story behind the story of Sandpipers’ Secrets.

So in the end, while there were plenty of late nights and frustrating re-writes involved in writing Sandpipers’ Secrets, I’m very glad I did. I enjoyed telling Brody, Lark and Zak’s tale. And I’m pleased with how it turned out in the end. I’m thrilled that I have the opportunity to publish it. Will I be doing it again? Well, it turns out I will. February 14th there will be a free short story featuring these guys (an one of their little secrets) available on my website. And very soon I’m hoping to start the next book in this series, Raven’s Mark.

If you would like to read an excerpt from Sandpipers’ Secrets you can check out my website at http://www.jadearcher.com/ or follow the link below to go straight there :

Sandpipers' Secret Excerpt

Excerpt for Sandpipers’ Secrets 

Three men, so many secrets. Can Brody, Lark and Zak find their way to love, or will someone put a stop to their chance at happiness forever?

Brody is starting again. He’s moved halfway across the country to a new city, a new life. But it’s hard to stay hopeful when you’re one meal away from starvation and two weeks away from eviction. He needs a job. Fast. And not in his old line of work either or he risks everything. Fortunately, Sandpipers’ restaurant is in need of a kitchen hand and Brody’s desperate enough to do almost anything. But once the pressures off, Brody finds a whole new focus for his attention. Well, two actually! He’s just not sure he can afford to indulge.

Lark and Zak have been partners for years, both in business and in pleasure. They know everything about each other. They know what they have is right. They know…that there’s something missing. Could Brody be the answer? Will the secrets each of the men keep drive them apart? And will they live long enough to enjoy their love once someone decides it’s perverted?

And if you happen to read and enjoy Sandpipers’ Secrets, don’t forget to visit the free reads page on my website on Valentine’s Day!

Happy reading all!
Hugs,
Jade
http://www.jadearcher.com/

Rick Reed - Dignity Takes a Holiday

Today, I have the great honor of hosting Rick Reed on my blog. He's here today talking about his red hot, brand new release, Dignity Takes a Holiday. Thanks so much for dropping by to give everyone the low down on the book!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My latest novel, a "romantic comedy" more in the style of John Waters than Neil Simon, Dignity Takes a Holiday releases today. The first twenty people to buy the paperback directly from Dreamspinner Press get an autographed copy.

Now, if you are looking for lofty literary aspirations, good taste, or a serious commentary on the human condition, then go somewhere else. Dignity Takes a Holiday is for those of you who like bawdy and brazen humor about a true underdog looking for love in all the wrong places.

Meet Pete Thickwhistle. Pete doesn’t live what one might call a charmed life. At age forty-seven, he’s a flamboyant gay man who believes no one knows he’s gay, still living at home with his harpy of a mother. Worse, he’s still a virgin, longing to find just the right man to make his life complete. Pete’s an upbeat kind of guy, yet he’s never learned that the answer to his motto “What could possibly go wrong?” is always: “Everything.”

Pete’s road to love and happiness is full of potholes, yet he never tires of searching, despite job losses, weight battles, clothing faux pas, and disastrous vacations, parties, and dating debacles. Pete is the ultimate underdog living a television situation comedy, one named Dignity Takes a Holiday.

Read an excerpt here:

Buy Dignity Takes a Holiday direct from the publisher in paperback here

or e-book here:

Dignity Takes a Holiday will be available soon from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and all major digital and print booksellers. Hey, it may already be there!

Excerpt:

Pete spent the next two weeks in a fruitless job search. No one wanted to hire him (“Personally, I can't blame them,” Helen told him). He was feeling particularly tense when he emerged, looking guiltily up and down the street, from L'Amour Adult Playhouse. He wore a trench coat bought at Goodwill, giant sunglasses and a beat-up fedora he had hung on to from the 1960's. Concealed beneath the trench coat was a #36, The Kamikaze, dildo. The dildo was eight inches long and six inches around. Pete both feared and desired the object. He prayed Mother would never discover its existence.

A few days later, Pete was starving as he watched Helen at the stove, stirring a big, steaming pot. He wiped away a line of drool that had formed at the corner of his mouth.

“There ya go!” Helen had done the plate up beautifully: with a sprig of parsley and a pat of butter positioned just so on Pete's heap of corn. Steam rose from the hot dog, hidden beneath its toppings, and Pete breathed it in, savoring the aroma of the warm roll and all the trimmings. “I made it just like at the restaurant. I hope you like it...honey.” Helen was grinning.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Pete picked up the warm bun, opened wide, bit down and found he could not bite through the hot dog. Brushing aside all the trimmings, Pete discovered that there was not a hot dog encased in the bun, but the dildo he had so carefully hidden. There still remained the impression of his teeth in the flesh–colored rubber.

Pete covered his mouth, eyes wide and staring. He suppressed a gag at the back of his throat. And yet again, heat radiated upward from his neck to envelope his face and ears. The heat was not from the steam.

Helen stood at the stove, watching her son and snickering.

“Mother, how could you?”

“I was cleaning your room.”

“You had no right.”

“I had every right. This is my house and I intend to keep it clean.”

Pete was flabbergasted. “I'm entitled to a little privacy, don't you think? I am 47 years old.”

“You're sick. If that's what you need your privacy for, then you're sick.”

“Mother! I'm a grown man and I have my needs.”

Helen waved her son's remarks away. “There are plenty of men around if it's fucking you need.”

“Mother! I never told you I liked men!”

“Well...” Helen snickered, ignoring Pete’s ‘coming out’ remark. He supposed, dejectedly, it hadn’t needed saying. “Where'd you get that thing, anyway?”

Helen was still chuckling to herself as Pete rushed from the room in tears. Helen doubled over in renewed laughter when she heard the slam of her son's bedroom door. She picked up the dildo, shaking her head and staring at it. “Christ Almighty.”

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Oh, wow, this sounds great. Definitely going to have to pick up a copy today. Wishing you the best with this release, Rick!

Josh Lanyon - All She Wrote - My Book, My Journey

 Behind each book is a tale of how or why the author wrote their book. It is my great honor to introduce Josh Lanyon as my first guest blogger.  Welcome, Josh! I would love to hear the story behind All She Wrote.

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I’ve only once started writing a book with the conscious understanding that it would be the first in a series. I knew a short way into the first Adrien English novel that here was a character I was going to want to write for a long time, but I began Adrien’s journey believing he’d purchased a one way ticket.

That’s what I love about the creative process. Even when it’s structured, it’s organic and free-flowing in ways you, the creator, can’t anticipate. The effect fiction has on us all is too profound to be dismissed as anything short of magic.

All She Wrote was the first time I made the conscious decision to commit to a series before I’d written a word -- right there that’s a little frightening because there’s absolutely no way of knowing ahead of time whether readers are going to connect to a character or not.

And, in fact, I stacked the odds against poor Kit Holmes by announcing I was writing a new series at the same time I was wrapping up a beloved one. Inevitably, Kit and J.X. were viewed (by some) as replacements for Adrien and Jake -- much as first born toddlers skeptically eye Mommy’s swelling belly and the monster inside.

Worse, in order to distance the second series from the first, I made it…er, funny. I don’t mean “funny” in the sense of a few amusing lines or witty dialog, I mean comical and slightly unrealistic situations. I mean a balance of slapstick, satire, and whimsy that would guarantee skimming a number of potential readers right off the top. Finding people who share your sense of humor isn’t easy. There’s nothing trickier than writing comedy. Any halfway competent writer can make readers cry. Getting them to laugh? When they’re not in the mood?

But this was the book -- the series -- I wanted to write.

I wanted to focus first and foremost on the romantic relationship and I wanted to write from the viewpoint of a character different from all the characters I’d previously written. Christopher -- Kit -- Holmes is slightly older than most of my protags. He doesn’t have the advantages of Adrien’s wealth, privilege, and beauty. He’s attractive enough but he’s turning forty and that’s a vulnerable age for a guy. He’s talented -- even gifted -- but his first successes are behind him now and he’s suffered a number of serious setbacks both professionally and personally. He’s at a point of great change -- a turning point. I think we all reach this point in our lives, the point where we’ve met a lot of those first goals -- and had to accept that some of our dreams are just not going to happen -- and we wonder what’s next? Where do we go from here? Do we stumble along following the same deep carved ruts in the road or do we take off into the woods?

Left to his own devices, Kit would stick to the safety of the road, but fate has a way of delivering what we most need in the shape of what we least want. So Kit Holmes, a mystery writer, finds himself suddenly involved in real life murders; and newly dumped and emotionally raw, he keeps crossing paths with J.X. Moriarity, a sexy, younger ex-lover who sees him with painful clarity -- and cares for him anyway.

All She Wrote is the second book in the Holmes & Moriarity series. If the series follows the traditional pattern, it won’t really break out until books 3 -5 and it will be a good five years after Somebody Killed His Editor before anyone knows if Holmes & Moriarity really has “legs,” whether it’s destined to become one of those that lives forever on a reader’s bookshelf. Meanwhile I have to suffer through reviews of first reads, book by book, in a way I didn’t with the Adrien series (which was nearly complete by the time most readers discovered it).

It’s weird because this time around readers and I are both discovering the series together, and frankly, I have to struggle not to be unduly influenced. Reader response is one of the best parts of writing, but the temptation to write to that can be almost overwhelming. Fortunately I have a very clear vision of where I’m headed and the best way to get there. I just hope readers will stay the course -- and enjoy the journey as much as I do.

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A whole new journey begins with this series--I love the way you view this as a journey not only for you but the readers also. Thanks so much stopping by and sharing with all of us the path you walked to create this book.

Josh can be found hanging out at his website, www.joshlanyon.com
All She Wrote is available here.